My Two Moms

Over the last decade, the U.S. Census Bureau reports Missouri households led by same-sex couples increased by nearly more than 60 percent.  Those numbers also show nearly one quarter of same-sex households in the state include kids.  For years people in same sex relationships struggled to be able to adopt or even be foster parents to children, but in 2006, a landmark case allowed one Kansas City woman to do just that.

So has same-sex parenting changed in the last several years?  We checked in with one teen to find out what it’s like to be raised by same sex parents.

Samantha is sixteen years old.  She’s taking college-level classes in high school, she runs cross country, she’s active in Girl Scouts, she writes for her high school newspaper, and she has a part-time job.

“It’s kinda hectic,” she smiles.

It’s a hectic life she couldn’t manage without the help of her family which consists of:  brother Andy, Mother Joan, and Mother Carol.

“Sami” was adopted from China when she was an infant.  Her mom, Carol picked her up, and from there she became a daughter to Carol and Joan, but not legally.

“Each of us adopted one of the children, and so that was the way we made our family,” Joan explains.  “You couldn’t as a same-sex couple really adopt together.”

Sami’s older brother, Andy, was adopted privately in the United States.  In the beginning, Joan says life was at times complicated.

“We would be out shopping and they would see that there was two moms with a baby and they’d kinda realize what was going on and there was some looks or disgust or something,” she says.

Now as Sami sits down to dinner with one of her mothers it’s clear to see the difficult adoption process and the occasional hardships are not dwelled on.  The two laugh, talking about their days, and when asked, Sami doesn’t hesitate to say how she feels about those who discriminate against her family.

While Sami says usually her family life isn’t an issue with her friends, there are exceptions.

“I dated this guy for a couple months and his parents knew and then like after a few months they’re like- oh well you have to break up,” she says.

She lets most negativity roll right off her back.

“If they said something to me personally I would speak up against it, but I don’t really like to start fights, so I’d rather just stay out of it,” Sami says.

Sami also finds the humor in the questions she gets from people about her parents.

“Probably the biggest question is just like do you call them both mom?  Which I do,” she says.  “I say mom, and I get double the service.”

A study by the American Psychological Association says children adopted by same-sex parents are indistinguishable from children adopted by different-sex parents.  The study says children raised by same-sex parents do not differ in their gender development.

Sami says the reason for her is that she never felt different.

“We didn’t really talk about it that much because it was just like normal,” she explains.

She says it’s the family she’s always known, and as far as she can tell it’s not much different from anyone else’s.

“I love my family and sometimes we fight and it’s dysfunctional, but I mean, that’s all families…I just feel really blessed and grateful,” Sami says smiling.

There are conflicting reports regarding same sex parenting.  According to a study done by researchers at the University of North Carolina, for example, more children raised by lesbian mothers than heterosexual parents have had a sexual experience with someone of the same sex, even if they don’t consider themselves gay.  The authors of the study also concluded that  gender and sexual development in children raised by same-sex parents does differ greatly from children raised by heterosexual parents.