Father upset with terms on school’s sexual education poster

Warning: This story contains terms that some may find offensive or inappropriate, reader and viewer discretion is recommended.

SHAWNEE, Kan. — A father said if his 13-year-old daughter hadn’t taken a picture of a questionable public poster and shown him, he’d never have known the content. Now that he knows, he’s not happy.

Mark Ellis says his daughter goes to Hocker Grove Middle School in the Shawnee Mission School District. She was so shocked by what she recently saw on a poster at school, that she took a picture of it home and showed her parents.

Her dad initially assumed it was a student prank, until he called the school and found  it was part of the curriculum.

“Why would you put it in front of 13-year-old students?” he asked.

He thought the poster, which lists things like “oral sex” and “grinding,” might’ve been a prank until he contacted the school principal. He was told it was a teaching material. But Ellis is now concerned that what’s on this poster is being taught to his daughter in school

“It upsets me. And again, it goes back to who approved this? You know this had to pass through enough hands that someone should have said, ‘Wait a minute, these are 13-year-old kids, we do not need to be this in-depth with this sexual education type of program,’” he said.

District spokeswoman, Leigh Anne Neal, says the poster needs to be viewed in the context of a bigger curriculum, which she calls abstinence-based for students in middle school.

“The poster that you reference is actually part of our middle school health and science materials, and so it is a part of our district approved curriculum,” Neal said. “However the item is meant to be part of a lesson, and so certainly as a standalone poster without the context of a teacher-led discussion, I could see that there might be some cause for concern.”

She said that the approved curriculum is in line with what other schools around the country do as well.

“The curriculum it is a part of, it aligns with national standards around those topics, and it’s part of our curriculum in the school district,” she said.

But Ellis thinks if that’s the case, the curriculum needs to change.

“This has nothing to do with abstinence or sexual reproduction,” he said. “I would like to see that this particular portion of the curriculum is removed from the school.”

And if the curriculum doesn’t change, Ellis plans to remove his daughter from the sexual education classes.

327 comments

  • Sherri McKee

    I wonder if Mr. Ellis is aware of how many 13 year old’s have STDs, and get pregnant every year. I wonder if he is aware that ‘street’ information is woefully inaccurate, and that leads to negative consequences. It would be great if parents would begin teaching their children about their bodies, and as they child ages , the parents would continue to teach them. It just does not happen. I worked in OB for 15 years. The youngest patient we had was 11. Her parents refused to teach her about touching, about anything to do with reproduction. So, a family member got her pregnant. If parents would parent- great. I came from a time when it just was not discussed. If I had not had some sex ed and human reproduction I would not have had one clue how to protect myself . Let’s teach contraception while we’re at it. The terms on most of those posters are mild compared to what kids hear on the street, TV, on the net or from their friends. Abstinence is great in theory , a failure in reality.

  • white haired granny

    Been a nurse for for over 40 years and have seen plenty of 13 year olds in the maternity unit having babies. Most had little knowedge about sexuality and many had thought they couldn’t get pregnant!

    Based on what my granddaughter tells me is discussed on the middle school school bus, these are terms describing activities some of these kids are already doing and many have heard about by the time they get to an 8th grade health class.

    Kids should have access to accurate information. If parents don’t want their kids informed, they have a right to pull them out of class. However, I don’t think they have the right to demand accurate information be withheld from other kids who’s parents want them to be well informed.

    • Anna J

      How about giving the parents the curriculum before they teach it to the kids, and let the parents decide if it’s appropriate. That’s what they do at my kids school. I also instill in them that it is best to wait for marriage to engage in sexual behavior. That way there is less chance of an unwanted pregnancy. Of course, that’s hopeful thinking,but at least the information and values are planted in their heads.

  • earthgrl

    Most schools have a parent information meeting before the sexual education curriculum begins to review the curriculum. If this school didn’t have a meeting, then that should be addressed. If the school had a meeting and this parent missed it, then that’s on him for not following up. Sex is one of the basic biological needs, and since there are sexually-related health issues that also affect the community, it’s taught in our schools. As parents, we have the right and responsibility to discuss sex with our children, giving them accurate information and explaining our values and beliefs about it. By age 13, kids should have been taught enough by parents that nothing in health class will be a surprise. A basic discussion by ages 8-10 is appropriate, depending on your child’s development. Being informed about sex itself and their parents’ views on sex helps them to make better decisions. We can preach abstinence, but they need to also know the consequences for non-abstinence. Ignorance is not bliss.

  • Homer William Sea

    It would not be necessary to “teach” sex in schools, if morals were taught at home. Tragically, most of today’s parents have been brain-washed when they started in elementary school. They-in-turn teach what they have learned. From generation to generation. (1st. law in thermodynamics ? I think) As a VERY senior citizen I have seen our society go to POT in front of my eyes. As Pogo said (in the comic strip) back in the 40’s (30s or 40’s ?) If any of you are old enough), I have seen the enemy, and the enemy IS US! Sadly, I no longer live in America. I would have staked my mother-in-laws life that the pRESIDENT of our beautiful country would never say “he apologizes” for our country. I voted for President Eisenhower just turning 21. Now you don’t even need to show you are a citizen to vote. Go figure!

    HC

  • Lauren Cox

    Give me a break. It is a poster of terms that they will be discussing in the Sex Education course.Unless they are showing movies or demonstrating the acts in class,the parent is blowing things way out of proportion. A 13 year old definitely needs to learn about sex. They are at the age where they start thinking about dating and are curious about all the things listed on the poster. If the dad is still stuck on the juvenile terms for all the body parts, that is his right but he had better wake up and start dealing with his daughter as a young women or she is going to be one of the girls who comes home pregnant or with a disease with no idea how it happened.

  • Lauren Cox

    The reason schools teach sex ed is because parents went to the school boards and pushed to have it included in the curriculum. Now they are upset because they have a poster with the words oral sex on it? Guess what, they are already thinking about it, all the poster does is give them the “official” term for it. Knowing 4 or 5 words for the act doesn’t make them more likely to carry out the act. Their hormones do that…..

  • Giuliana

    Where to start? First, I hope schools are teaching about extremists and their threat, because based on these paranoid comments, we are among the extremists.

    Second, parents of Middle School kids need to WAKE UP! ALL 13 year olds have sexual feelings (yep, even your little homeschooled “innocent” children) and you can bury your head in the sand as deep as you’d like, & for as long as you’d like, but it’s not going to change that fact! So if you want to know whether they know what grinding is? Trust me on they do! First, they’ve been doing it to their mattresses at the very least, for a while now. Second, by the age of 13, they’ve probably, at the very least, done this on the dance floor while dancing.

    I think a lot of the above comments are naive, because their parents have a hard time seeing their own children as sexual beings– Especially at around the age of 13– because this change from nonsexual child, to sexual person, happens quickly.

    Years back, I noticed that young adults even(!!), didn’t consider a lot of these things on the list as “sex”. For example, “oral” sex isn’t “sex”?! Well, It is in my vocabulary. And I’m sure a lot of the adults would agree with me that it is deemed as a sexual act. Given that information, parents should really be pleased, that every time when their children are becoming sexual–literally overnight– that an adult who is informed and is there to help, is providing them with accurate information. Wake up. Trust me, They either know what it is, or they’re already doing it.

    Stop teaching your children to hate, to judge. Be humble. Teach them acceptance of others’ viewpoints. Teach them humility. And teach them about their bodies! Why is this taboo? Ugh!

  • gene aldeson

    So many 13 year old girls get pregnant these days that I think it is foolish not to teach students about sex when the students are capable of reproduction but I do believe the choice to have the students in this class should rest with the parents. A signed parent approval form would eliminate this problem.

  • Dan Beyer

    Anyone who says that Abstinence Education doesn’t work isn’t thinking logically but is ideologically driven! Abstinence is 100% effective against pregnancy! Logically. Abstinence is 100% effective against sexually transmitted diseases! Logically. Abstinence is 100% effective against early/unplanned parenthood! Logically. Teaching self control is NOT a bad thing, but a good thing to do! Logically. For anyone to say we need to take that tool out of the collective toolbox doesn’t really care about kids and is totally agenda driven. Abstinence Education DOES work when given a fair chance. But this poster has absolutely nothing to do with Abstinence Education. It is yet one more of the innumerable examples of the continual sexualization of our children that goes on every day in our schools. And it’s being more and more promoted to younger and younger children all the time. That’s criminal. And it’s hypocritical from those who claim they want to prevent students from pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases!

    • Rich

      Dan, yes abstinence prevents everything you mentioned. The problem with abstinence only programs is that kids don’t abstain. The daughter of my Sunday School teacher got pregnant in high school. The daughter of the family that first invited me to a Baptist church got pregnant in junior high school. The Prom Queen at my kid’s high school was pregnant. Kids need to know how to protect themselves when they decide to start having sex. Because they don’t always wait just because their parents want them to.

      • Dan Beyer

        Promoting not so “safe” failure is not the answer! Promoting maturity and self control is. Using your type of “logic” we should also actively promote “safe” heroin or meth use since there will always be those who fail to take the correct choice of action. Eliminating one of the tools that DOES work for those who strive for better quality of life is nonsensical.

      • Rich

        Dan, I didn’t say abstinence should not be taught. It IS the preferred method. I am saying that is should not be the only thing taught. Although I do think that morals are something that are better taught at home. Do you really want the public school systems teaching your children what is moral and what is not? Schools should be teaching facts and how to think and make good decisions. Parents and churches should be teaching morals.

        But I see nothing wrong with schools showing the advantages of abstinence. I just don’t think they should ONLY teach “Just say no.” It didn’t stop kids from doing drugs and it won’t stop kids from having sex.

  • Kris Edler

    As a 9-12th grade teacher, I am shocked this is actually approved in our city school district. Whoever created and distributed this in a secondary school should be brought before the school board and fired. Leave this type of education up to the family, where it belongs.

  • TracyH

    When I first read the sign, I could immediately relate to this parents reaction. Then I reflected back to my middle school years starting in 1982 and realized the difference being in the acceptance of sexuality today. And the context of the terminology used in this lesson is that of what is happening today and always has, just not used openly. And although I may still find some of these items on the list personally offensive and not something I would choose to engage in, I must acknowledge that it is a normal act for some. Additionally, as parents we have to understand that this is meant to be an informative lesson and it’s intended purpose is not to be one of morals or acceptance but to educate our children on a subject that may be uncomfortable and confusing to them. And generally not something children would want to discuss with their parents, but may be more willing to ask questions and obtain an understanding from someone else and the school has taken on this challenge in an effort for kids to receive an educated explanation of sexuality, not limited to reproduction. I think his daughter did the right thing by bringing this information to her father, as this is something she clearly was uncomfortable with and that is part of the basis of this lesson plan, if something makes you uncomfortable, go to an adult. This has opened the door for them to have a discussion about sexuality on a level that they are both comfortable with.

  • Jonah

    Wake up and take the blinders, daddy. Kids are having oral sex in the bathrooms at age 11. Just because your little girl isn’t doesn’t mean other kids don’t need to be educated.

  • UncleJohn

    13 year olds already know all about it. The dad’s just upset that his illusion of his daughter’s innocence has been shattered.

    Follow a group of 7th graders around the mall for a few minutes and listen to their conversation.

    • april777

      My daughter is 16 yrs old and she just found out that babies come from an Egg and Sperm! She still doesn’t even know about positions or types of sex! She has known since she was 3 yrs old that no one is to touch her in certain spots unless they are her mom and the doctor IF there is a problem. She knew the reason was because they could really hurt her. That was good enough and I haven’t had any problems. She doesn’t even want to know she said. She said that when she is ready to get married she will ask. She has been educated properly that Dating is for finding your mate and getting married. She said that she is not ready to get married, because she wants to establish a career first. Therefore, she is not going to date until she is ready for that step of Commitment and Responsibility.

  • Clay

    In case nobody has noticed, kids can see half this stuff on TV, along with plenty of acts of violence and dishonesty.

    Having sex isn’t a bad thing. It can have serious consequences, especially if you’re unaware of what can happen. Most of us are going to do it at some points in our lives, and that includes our children. We need to make sure that they have the information they need to stay safe, and that includes teaching them what the terms “oral sex” and “grinding” mean.

    • April

      Kids are only seeing this stuff if their parents allow it in the house. IF parents would get smart, they would get rid of Satellite and Cable. Besides, there’s nothing on those avenues anyways, what is the point in paying for nothing!? We have regular TV and it barely comes on unless the kids are watching an educational show. IF it comes on for anything else it is for us adults, or because the kids are playing games, or watching kids movies.

      It is the Parents responsibility and most are not taking it! I am informed this from Teachers, Principals, Daycare’s, and hearing how far behind children are from other Parents. Parents send their kids to school sick because they don’t want the responsibility or inconvenience of having to stay home to help their child. Then, the other kids get sick and it goes to other people’s homes who do take that Responsibility!

      I watch parents who give their 8 yr olds cell phones and then send them out to roam the neighborhood because they want to catch a nap!!! They tell the kids to go find someone to play with!!! That is where the trouble is coming from along with other things like schools letting the kids go home way before their parents get home and they have nothing to do until it is dinner time. The parents are at work until 5-6pm and then they have to have the child to some practice during the 6pm-9pm time period! It is ridiculous!

      There isn’t even any family time anymore. This is where we have problems and why parents don’t even talk to their kids about ANYTHING! Then, they don’t listen to their kids when they are trying to tell them something important. Parents are so out of touch with their children, I’d be shocked if they know their child’s favorite color, what their favorite hobby is, or what they want to be when they get out of school! I know when my children have something on their minds!! Most parents don’t even care that their child is there let alone what is on the child’s mind.

      I was informed by a teacher in my children’s school that children are coming into Kindergarten who don’t even know where their Nose is!!! That is pathetic! Kids come in and don’t know how to brush their hair, brush their teeth, put on shoes, know how to count to even 3 let alone 10! We HAD to know more than those things I just listed when I went to school in 1985.

      Remember I said most parents NOT All.

  • Melissa

    Good grief

    Kids SHOULD be educated about sex & clearly parents are not doing it. Kids are having sex in high school AND junior high.

    The key is to educate them BEFORE they have sex.

    Get over your problems.

    This father is probably going to be one of the first grandparents since he’s in denial about reality.

  • Burr

    This is NOT education of our children. This is permissiveness and too much information at this age. Bravo to this father for putting his foot down. We are becoming a socialist nation where parents are not allowed to parent, and it is not right.

  • Rick Morrow

    Here we go again with the brainwashing of Liberalism and the promotion of spreading AIDS which is killing homosexuals at over 300 per day. Can you get anymore stupid than this? Liberalism kills more people than war ever could. The Lord says the Muslims and the Liberals die everyday trying to prove the Word of God wrong. Only Liberals can be this stupid. God says wrong can never be made right ever.

  • Penny Soto

    BUNCH OF CLOWNS…DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION FAIL, RELIGION FAIL, POLITICIANS FAIL..AND ALL HAVE CREATED ENEMIES…AND WE ARE SO TIRED OF THE BULLCRAP OF THE SYSTEM AND THERE LITTLE GAMES…SPENDING MONEY THEY SAY WE DON’T HAVE..WHICH WE KNOW IS A LIE..BUT STILL BELIEVE IN PEOPLE WE DON’T KNOW..AND WILL NEVER MEET..THINK ABOUT THAT SHIT…

  • LibertyChick

    This is all part of the government control of our kids. Hitler did this in Nazi German – his education plan involved desensitizing children to sex so they would reproduce early creating babies for Hitler. Many 16 year olds were reproducing like rabbits to create the next generation of soldiers/breeders.

    The more the government can control the thoughts/ideas/beliefs of kids in school, the more they can control them later. Look at Common Core curriculum – it’s all about programming the kids, and testing them to ensure they answer correctly – including subjective questions. They will then use that data to determine who is worthy of going to college. Since it’s not all objective questions, only those properly programmed will even get a full HS education. The rest will be put into “apprenticeship” programs – a kind word for child labor/serfdom. It’s very dangerous.

    • Rich

      LibertyChick, you do realize that virtually every school system in the country has done away with apprenticeship and vocational programs don’t you? Personally, I think they should bring them back. Not every student is cut out for college or wants to go. In many areas, skilled construction workers make more than the employees with degrees.

      Easiest way to take control of people is to convince them that college loans are a necessity to get ahead, when the jobs they get afterwards will never pay off the loans. As the bible says, the borrower is slave to the lender. But this is totally off the subject of the article.

      • LibertyChick

        I’m all for vocational training and apprenticeships – chosen by the student. The intention aligned with CCSS is that testing will decide this for the student – this why the excessive number of tests that the government will be tracking the results of for the lifetime of the child – testing capability and buy-in to the agenda. I don’t think this is what the government should know anything about. The quality of education in America has declined since the government got into it, and CCSS will jack that up considerably!

        Here’s some additional information:
        http://www.thenewamerican.com/culture/education/item/17930-common-core-and-un-agenda-21-mass-producing-green-global-serfs

      • Rich

        I believe that some of the fault for our dropping standards belongs with the educators themselves, although not those still teaching today. During the Vietnam era, many teachers in high schools and colleges gave out higher grades than the student’s work warranted so that the student would not end up in Vietnam. I believe that started the downward spiral and government intervention has done nothing to help since.

        I remember when I was in high school, the state suddenly decided to get tough on education. So we had to write twelve papers in English instead of the six papers that previous classes had to do. The problem was that the papers were not required to be any better. They weren’t graded harder, we just had to write more of them. So we wrote twelve mediocre papers instead of six. Didn’t help us at all. Just gave the politicians something they could point to when election time came around.

  • Debbie McCormick

    This is unbelievable. Sex education should never EVER include some of these things. Anal sex? Really?? What is wrong with our educators that they think this is appropriate? They are idiots and should not be in charge of our children.

  • MomOf4

    I’m sorry but even 20 years ago when I was in middle school we were taught about these things. Kids of this age are very curious and should be properly educated on all types of sexual encounters. Um HELLO there are 13 years olds who are sexually active, some who even become parents sadly-even if it’s not our child there is a good chance they will know someone who is. Sure, we all want our children to stay innocent and little forever but that is simply impossible. I hope and pray my children wait till later in life to become sexually active in any way but the fact is all we can do is talk to them as parents, allow our schools to educate them and hope we have done our best to steer them in te right direction. Being educated in such things does NOT mean they are doin these things, maybe it will even keep them from doing these things. Like I said, I was taught these things and was happy to have the knowledge but not practice it.

  • James Little

    I LOVE the fact that kids are now becoming informants for their parents, with their phones and other recording devices. When the students in Utah were supposed to read a persuasive essay stating that video games are superior to books, a student took pictures of the essay with his phone, and those photos were distributed on the Internet. The only way parents can retain control over their kids’ minds these days is to homeschool.

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  • LittleCrunchy (@LittleCrunchy)

    Kids need more sex education, not less. While that is a bad stand alone poster in my opinion all of those things NEED to be covered under curriculum. We homeschool and our teen is 15 and amazing, she just had her first kiss. We are doing out best to cover as much as we can she knows the facts. Her 13 year old public schooled cousin apparently didn’t get a good sex ed curriculum at school or home because she is pregnant…. We need more sex ed in school, not less!

  • Allyssa

    I think we should all remember here, we are talking about 13 year olds. Year olds who were just 12 years old talking about not having sex. That’s outrageous that 13 year olds are even thinking about having sex.

  • heidi

    Dad is perhaps in need of some sex ed. To young you say? I have seen 14 yr olds delivering babies….yes, and not in a ghetto hospital but an affluent one. If parents don’t teach sex ed to their children, the school must. This includes terminology that dad is uncomfortable with.

  • Mark

    When I was in Junior High (many years ago), there was a 13 year old girl who was pregnant. We all knew what anal sex was at 13 years old, and (evidently) some of the kids were sexually active. The average age at which kids are having sex is becoming younger and younger. And, unfortunately, parents don’t want to believe that their pre-teens already know a lot about sex and young teens are already experimenting with it. If the parents don’t teach it, the schools should.

  • Terry Roberts

    you are wrong, because at thirteen a lot of them are ready to have sex. Now them being in the system, heading towards high school, etc. it is a good thing for them to know. I know back in the day there were several girls who thought it was hot to go park with a high school boy and many a girl lost their virginity at 13 and 14.

  • Sara

    It might be outrageous but it’s also happening. I had sex education over 20 years ago. it’s a little more graphic but not much. What’s the problem? Teen pregnancies are down–and not because parents are talking to their kids about sex. Kids talk to each other, not their parents.

  • Dexter Morgan

    It’s a pretty sick culture when adults are arguing that kids should be taught about sex at younger and younger ages. It is not the school’s job to teach kids about these activities. It’s the parents job. If I found out that a virtual stranger was teaching my kids about sexual terms they have no business knowing about at their age, I’d have him strapped to my table. The Dark Passenger has needs, too…

  • Kim

    I totally agree with you!! My daughter is in elementary school (4th grade) and her school asked permission for her to be taught about ‘safe touch’. I would be irate if this poster was in her school!! Being taught about puberty and birth control is one thing–different sexual activities is another. I agree with ‘Dad’.

  • Mike

    Some of the logic being used be so called enlightened people is absurd. The best way to test a theory is to apply it to other situations. Yes there are 13 year old’s who engage in this type of behavior. There are also 13 year old’s who use drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. Should we now be teaching them how to roll their own joints or score a hit somewhere? Here child let me show you the safest way to use that needle cause I know you are gonna do it anyway.

    Teaching someone how to do something properly at an age that it is socially unhealthy to engage in is legitimizing the activity and normalizing it. People are sheep and if they feel an activity is acceptable they are more likely to engage in it. After all look at all of the stupid fashion trends and hairstyles that have come and gone. People want to fit in and be accepted. If you are teaching children that their peers are doing something, they themselves will feel more compelled to do that in order to be part of the group.

    Some of the comments here prove how simplistic the thinking in America has gotten.

  • jane

    What the real problem is are the parents! Do you really think your kids don’t already know what some of these things are? Some of your kids have even done these things! Do you also have any idea how many teenagers get pregnant every year? While some parents sit at home and say “Don’t have sex until you are married” there are those of us who live in the real world and know that this stuff needs to be taught and if you are mad that the school is doing it before you did it then you are a little behind! You are right these kids are 13 I could go in to detail about what the kids I went to school with were doing at 13 but its not at all appropriate.

  • Hahahaha

    I’m happy that homeschool is gaining popularity – naive homeschooled kids are by far the easiest to bed when they make it to college.

    Sheltering your children does them a disservice and I am genuinely glad that you don’t recognize that.

  • Bob

    You bible thumpers crack me up.

    My kids had to bring a consent form for the parents to sign and return. Maybe more parents should actually read it and take interest in their kids’ school instead of burying their heads in the sand.

  • acoluthus

    did the teacher cover the -repercussions- / results of these activities?
    were STD’s covered?
    did he encourage boys & girls to have the strength to say ‘no’?
    did he cover the legal side, since you’re all under age?
    was the topic of rape & force covered?
    it’s a -serious- topic, not a ‘fun’ one.

  • Mike

    I am not quite understanding you… Yes it is the parents who should be teaching this. There is more publicly funded sex ed than ever before, and even more underage kids engaging in sex. Show me how the sex ed is stopping this… My parents opted me out of sex ed in middle school and high school. I was protected from this stupidity and didn’t have sex until after high school.

    You do not understand how human behavior is manipulated. Teachers are presented as an authority and their teaching signals that it is acceptable to engage in this behavior. IT is really simple. Tell your kids that if they do certain things there are possible negative consequences. It doesn’t require extensive classes to teach that. Yes for the last time we all know that some kids will do these things at young ages. That is not a sound argument for approving this sort of teaching.

    Here is my poster…

    Ways kids have a good time!

    Drugs
    Alcohol
    Arson
    Bulling
    Cheating on tests
    Skipping class
    Shop lifting

  • Cathy

    SAFE!! This sounds dangerous!! & it IS !! 13 yikes. What is wrong with our school system & y is it up to them to ‘teach,’ this!! No no no…… abstinence is the ONLY thing they should teach…..

  • Alex

    You really think that school is a safe place to learn this? Absolutely there should be sex-ed in the life of every child, but it should NEVER be outsourced to the public school system. That is solely the responsibility of the parents. Parents are so afraid to have the “sex talk” with their kids that they are willing to let them just find out on their own, in the wrong way, through experiences at school.

    Since when should the public school system do what is the responsibility of the parent. Sadly not nearly enough parents care what is being taught to their children and are not actively involved.

  • Carl P.

    It’s not about what children at that age have already heard on the streets or from their friends. It’s about the School District taking liberty to teach MY children things in school that, in my opinion, they should only be taught by their PARENTS at home!
    Maybe I don’t want my children to learn sexuality in school! Maybe I have plans to teach them about it in my own way. Maybe I have religious reasons. Maybe I feel that I have a better way of explaining it. Maybe, in my opinion, MY children aren’t ready to learn that yet!
    Whatever the reason, I send my children to school to learn how to read, write, do arithmetic and learn science and history….NOT SEX! THAT is NONE of any school districts business! THAT is between me and MY child! And public school is NOT the place they should learn it!
    If they want to teach the reproductive system in science class, that’s fine. If they want to teach about the hows and why’s to have sex, they are completely out of their jurisdiction!

  • Rich

    You might want to do some research and rethink your position. “Abstinence only” programs have the worst record of all sex ed programs for preventing the children from having sex. The best results come from comprehensive programs that give the kids ALL of the facts without bias, and let them make up their own mind. The children, statistically, put off sex until much older than other programs.

    “Abstinence only” programs tend to have no effect on the children’s sex life at all. I found only ONE that had good results. This program took ALL of the moral judgments about sex out of the curriculum. But its results were as good as any other program. Many kids won’t respond to “God said it was wrong.” Some will start having sex just because of a statement like that. They will see it as a challenge.

    When it comes to abstinence, only parents really have a good chance of being a positive influence, and they need to use it. They need to be the ones teaching the importance of abstinence. You, and your children, will be better off if the schools stay out morality and stick to facts.

  • Rich

    You might want to do some research and rethink your position. “Abstinence only” programs have the worst record of all sex ed programs for preventing the children from having sex. The best results come from comprehensive programs that give the kids ALL of the facts without bias, and let them make up their own mind. The children, statistically, put off sex until much older than other programs.

    “Abstinence only” programs tend to have no effect on the children’s sex life at all. I found only ONE that had good results. This program took ALL of the moral judgments about sex out of the curriculum. But its results were as good as any other program. Many kids won’t respond to “God said it was wrong.” Some will start having sex just because of a statement like that. They will see it as a challenge.

    When it comes to abstinence, only parents really have a good chance of being a positive influence, and they need to use it. They need to be the ones teaching the importance of abstinence. You, and your children, will be better off if the schools stay out morality and stick to facts.

  • Leanne Watts

    I agree! This should be taught by parents – NOT the schools! Parents know their kids best and what and when they can handle certain topics. The lady said it shouldn’t have been left up after the lesson… I say it shouldn’t have been used at all!!!

  • Rich

    Dufrain, no eleven or twelve year old child is ready for sex. I don’t believe that anyone here thinks they are. That does not mean, however, that eleven and twelve year old children are not having sex. If you look into the subject at all, you will quickly find out that some are. In most cases, unknown to the parent. Years ago, I read a letter online. The mother had written in because her daughter had just turned fourteen. Therefore the mother thought it was time she discussed sex with her daughter. The mother was shocked to find out that her precious baby had been enjoying sex for two years already. It happens.

    I believe the best way to protect your child is to give them all of the facts and trust them to make the right decision when the time comes. Of course, tell them what you think and believe as well, but make sure they have the facts. I personally think that kids should know about birth control and condoms. And, if one of my children had asked me to get it for them, I would have. Bringing sex into a relationship provides enough problems for teens, let alone pre-teens, without the danger, or reality of, having a baby too.

  • cindy

    for one no not all kids know that much at 13 some adults still take the time to monitor their kids and give them a childhood, not everyone in the country lives an anything goes live style not everyone is raising ghetto rats

  • Dll

    I agree some of these words are not appropriate for middle school. Maybe for high school. Just because kids may be using these words or know what they mean doesn’t mean that it should be part of the school curriculum.

  • Father of three pre-teens

    Stacy, you must not have kids. This is inappropriate for younger kids, because they do not have the wherewithal of determining what is in context or not. This is especially concerning that the parents are unaware of what is or isn’t being taught in the classroom.

  • Lori McLiberty

    How about it come from the responsible parent not the Federally run schools!!!!! I know for a fact,growing up in the time I did this would never ever be an issue!!!I find it disgusting the power schools have now a days!!! I teach my children values,character and at most integrity!!!!

  • enness

    First of all, did you not understand by reading the story above that the daughter herself was perturbed enough to take the picture and show it to him? I was 13 not *so* terribly long ago, and I can’t even imagine this being put up in my school.

    Second, are people really incapable of conceiving of any middle ground between “teacher shows child explicit material” and “parent keeps child locked in closet for 18 years”? No. The point is that he wants to be able to introduce it himself, in his time, with his family’s values attached. We should be encouraging all parents to be so conscientious, not whining that they aren’t doing it therefore we have to push these topics on them in school.

  • Momma

    I wanted nothing and mean nothing to do with boys at 13. I didn’t give myself away til 19 and I plan on raising my babies to be innocent too. Anyone got a problem with that tough at least I’m paying attention to my kids unlike man who think this is ok. When they ask or when they are 15 16 then yes I will talk to them.

  • Stormy

    Who in the hell let’s their 13 year old go to parties like that anyways!?!

    It’s called “Being a Parent”!!!

    I can not believe what I am reading as far as 13 yr olds having sex!!!

    My daughter is almost 12 and doesn’t want anything to do with boys!

    Be a parent, love and cherish your child! Give them attention so they don’t go out looking for it!

  • Nicole

    Listen man, that’s disgusting and NO 13 year old should be at a party that is co-ed without adult supervision. The schools need to check themselves and stop just saying “here’s a condom”. Actually educate. Also, whatever ignorant person put this list together shouldn’t be a part of any curriculum formation. It goes from kissing to oral sex to hugging, as they are the same. ugh.

  • Mom2

    I agree that my children should be fully educated — by ME! Not by someone I barely know, someone who won’t have to clean up whatever mess is left if my children choose to experiment.

  • chynadoll2276@hotmail.com

    Cindy, although I agreed with the fact that some people are raising children to be exposed to age-appropriate things, the last part of your comment was disrespectful and unnecessary. So many people just throw around the word “ghetto” and have no idea exactly what it means.

  • moose

    Actually Cindy is one hundred percent right and if you are offended by the t3rm “ghetto” then you must be offiliated with it and did nothing to better your situation people that live in the “ghetto” or “bad” areas that are actually doing everything they can don’t take offense to this people however that are just sitting around mooching off of the system taking handouts and living off of the hard earned money of everyone else those people take offense to that so if you don’t like it take a look at yourself and shut the hell up this is our children out country’s future and people that just let there kids do whatever and don’t monitor what’s going on in there lives are the people that are going to be the reason for our country’s failure

  • Carol Williams

    I’m scared that a number of the home schooled are sexually or otherwise abused at home, and are kept their so they can’t tell anyone. Does anyone check-up on the home schooled?

  • Tom McKenna

    “They are shown “the video” in sixth grade (at least I was), and that was 15 years ago for me. A lot has changed in 15 years”.

    Yes it has, maybe that’s the problem, what’s it going to be like in another 15 yrs. ?

  • Stormy

    You apparently do not have children… My daughter is almost 12 and does not know what anything past “sex” as “to reproduce” is!!! She goes to a private school, and this is one reason why. … Also, she does NOT watch “16 & Pregnant” or any other trash show on tv. … We are raising our daughter to become a lady.

    I work hard to keep her away from people, situations and tv shows that she does not need to be around/watch. This poster, and people that approved it are part of what’s wrong with our country!

  • mommy of 3

    Carl I would bet you wouldn’t mind if the school taught the kids about religion and how to pray? I’m guessing not. But sex!!!! No it is against your rights! Whatever.
    People who send their kids to public school know they can at anytime view what is going to be taught. The father should have pulled himself off of his computer and got involved in his daughters education. He could have opted out of this. Anyone knows this. But I think that clearing shows how little this father is involved with his kids education and life.

  • Marci

    Momma you are in trouble if you really believe what you are saying. Times have changed since you were a kid. You can preach to your children everything that you want them to know but they are going to do what they want. It is better to educate them now than later.

  • CallMeAnn

    I promise, that if the daughter felt free to show the pic to her dad, there is an ongoing conversation at home. What part of the story makes it sound like the teacher is of the same belief? And as for this being justified by the fact that it is consistent with national standards, how can you put up those character building motivational posters about standing for what is right in the face of others who are doing wrong (aka; resisting peer pressure) if the school is going to brush off criticism by saying ‘All the other schools do it”?

  • Phesten

    So, we should prepare our children for the world by highlighting and discussing every degrading and morally offensive act some (not all) teens are involved in. And in the process let’s make sure that all those kids who AREN’T involved in such acts have their minds thoroughly saturated in such filth, as well as over-ride any parental concern or preference as to how their children are raised. Yes, that’s a fine idea. …Why waste time focusing on those things that might actually steer kids into being productive, and upstanding young people, or giving them standards and models they might find aspirational? Nah, let’s focus on what is base and puts them at risk of early pregnancies, disease, emotional confusion, abuse, ridicule, and all that other good stuff that happens when children abuse themselves. Yes. A wonderful idea. (And this is reason #3,095 why I choose to homeschool my kids.)

  • enness

    I respect some of your points, but I don’t think there can be an open dialogue if the school does not bother to inform the parent about what is being taught. One child took a picture, brought it home, and showed it to dad — how many of them did not say a thing?

  • Lacy LaPlante

    I totally agree with you! You don’t have to go into graphic detail, but parents should talk to there children at an even younger age, about their bodies, what people can and cannot do to you, how to say no, what to do if anyone touches them anyplace that makes them uncomfortable…and by doing this, yes it’s way to protect them from sexual preditors, but it also opens the door for “the talk”. Only give them the basics at this point. You know your child and what they can handle. Then, either or child comes to you with questions it you bring it up every so often and add a little bit more information, until you feel you’ve covered everything. However, these days, your kids are going to out-knowledge you by the time they are 12 to 14. And I guess if you’re not one to do these types of things , then I would hope they would learn it from school rather that the alternative, real life.

    Granted, this is just my view. And everyone is entitled to their own views. Some people just need some present-day, real life experience if they want to keep their kids safe, without grandbabies, std’s, and so on. Ignorance is not the answer people!!

  • Gordon Kuhne

    Your so right Phesten, This is straight out of ” Common Core” , which is nothing but marxist propaganda. Im afraid it’s in almost every school now. Home school is the only way out of it.

  • enness

    Hello Rich,

    “You may not like it or agree with it, but schools need to teach kids about preventing disease during various forms of sex. And in spite of what you may think, the better job the school does of that, the longer your child will put off having sex. That has shown statistically. Schools should not be teaching abstinence only programs, they are almost always found to not work. The results are usually the same or worse than no sex ed at all. It is up to the parents to teach the children why waiting for marriage is important.”

    I am glad we agree on that as a value. So does the CDC, actually. I personally do not see why this has to done in school when a trip to the CDC’s website is as informative as it is. I would like to see a citation of that statistical evidence, if you have it handy; my understanding is that the major studies done show that kids actually are more likely to listen to their parents than they may let on. I disagree with you totally about abstinence programs, and will explain why in a minute…

    “If you cannot provide your children with good, convincing reasons to wait. then don’t expect them to. “Because it’s the right thing to do” is NOT a valid reason in a child’s mind. It’s kind of like telling them “because I said so.” You’re just telling the child that that you want it that way, but don’t have a valid reason.”

    If what you have just described is the way abstinence programs are actually run, then I can see why they fail. The problem is that this is not the only way and definitely not the best way to run them. If the best way has not been tried, you can’t write the concept off as a failure. Also, unfortunately, we do need to look at who conducted the studies and what their motivations might be, where the funding comes from, etc. I do not share results of studies that agree with me when I know someone will just say, “Look at who paid for it.”

    “BTW, when I was young, I also knew many kids who started having sex at 14 and under. Many came from religious families who thought “My child would never do that.” They even had their children enrolled in their church’s school to teach them better.”

    I would never tell anybody to abdicate their responsibility to the school, any school, even a ‘religious’ one. In some places, that is flat-out meaningless and they can’t be trusted. Sad but true.

  • enness

    Hi Lacy,
    I agree, but I think there’s even another way to start with very young kids without even needing to talk about physical stuff. Check out the Marshmallow Experiment. When they followed up with the kids from that experiment later in life, the ones who were able to delay gratification were doing better in all kinds of life outcomes. They also figured out that kids could be helped by teaching them strategies or techniques for holding out until the 15 minutes (which seems like an eternity to a little kid with a tempting sweet in front of him) was up.

  • Terry

    I commend this man! This indicates to me he is, in fact, paying attention. Perhaps you should get off your computer and go see what your three children are doing right now. God help them because obviously you aren’t.

  • Rich

    enness, I don’t have the statistics handy anymore. I did a sociology paper on this about two years ago for a college course. Almost every published, peer reviewed study showed that “abstinence only” programs had no beneficial effect on when children started having sex. I say almost, because I did find exactly ONE program that posted results similar to the best comprehensive programs. It was a program that purposely removed ALL moral judgments from the act of sex. Which is exactly what most “abstinence only” programs are about.

  • Rich

    Stormy, no parent “allows” their child to go to parties like that. The child asks if they can “go to Susan’s house after school?” Since Susan’s family goes to the same church you do, you say okay. But Susan’s parents both work and so this is what happens at Susan’s house. In part, this happens because no one explained why they shouldn’t have sex, just told them it is what adults do or what married people do.

    But since most young people want to act like adults, at least in things perceived as fun, they start fooling around. They start off with kissing games, truth or dare, etc. and it progresses to sex. After all, it feels good and no one told them they could get a incurable disease from it. After all, they’re only kids, they don’t need to know about sex yet. Only, they are having sex already, while mom and dad say “My kids would never do that. They know better.”

  • fyrantx

    really? Teaching abstinence has the worst record? What are you basing this off of? And exactly how is abstinence being taught to come up with this so-called ‘worst record’? I think you’re full of it.

  • Coco Lax

    Great comment “stormy”. I applaud you for raising your daughter to be a lady and that is how girls should be raised. Too many girls today are not being raised in this manner.

    I see 20-somethings girls come into our work with terrible character traits and it is disturbing. They have terrible language, they’re loud without shame, and have strange behavioural tendencies that I would not want my son dating them

  • Sara

    I don’t think the bible in the classroom is any kind of solution. That’s just a religious perspective–a lot of kids don’t even follow that religious belief.. Teen pregnancies are down. Something’s working. If it was up to the protective parents we’d still have secret abortions killing kids in back alleys. If you were talking to your kids early enough they would already know what they are being taught in public schools.

  • Rich

    Jim, where did Dale say passing around young girls for sex at parties was ok? Acknowledging that something is really happening is not necessarily the same as giving approval of that activity.

  • Leah Rocha

    Most people who homeschool their kids are not the abusers you are worrying about. Believe me! It takes a lot of guts, patience and perseverance to have your kids at home with you at all times and to teach them the things they need to learn in life. It is not for the weak at heart. You will find abuse in either camp, but to think that is the major push behind homeschooling families is SO incorrect.

  • David

    I am betting that most who are posting hysterically against this let their kids watch cable, satellite, TV. movies, video games, internet, etc unsupervised. How silly to think even your grade school kids don’t know about sexual practices and acts. They likely fall asleep many nights to the sound of it with the electronic equipment left on. They just know the exploitive viewpoints and religious dogma part. Not basic biology and human emotion. Hence the rise in STDs and pregnancies where sex is not taught well.

  • Rich

    Anna J, that is exactly what most of the teen parents I knew were told. They were all good kids who went to church every week. They had religious parents who tried to do a good job raising their kids right. The kids ended up pregnant anyway.

    Kids will experiment. When they do, they need to know how to prevent pregnancy as well as STDs. Unfortunately, most parents in the abstinence camp think “my kids don’t need to know that yet”. It can be a real shock to find out your child who “would never do that” is pregnant or has an STD.

  • Giuliana

    Anna J you’re living in a fantasy world. It would be lovely if the world operated according to social ideals, but clearly it does not. So inform your children or leave them ignorant. But the latter is when they’ll get into trouble.

  • Giuliana

    What a pity it is, Susan Ally, that you made such a strong sweeping and generalized statement about a privilege granted to us in this great Republic. You have given yet more evidence that some Americans are a bit spoiled and that some have no idea how the rest of the world lives. Pity.

  • alexandria

    My father and mother had five daughters and supported a comprehensive sex ed program at school and at home. All of us finished college and graduate school before we were married and all of us waited until after high school to become sexually active (three of us waited until marriage). We were brought up knowing the terms, both the proper biological ones and the slang, as well as the various ways to use contraception effectively in case we made the decision to have sex. Our parents wanted us protected from the world and ourselves and they figured the way to do that was information. More than that, though, was the trust they showed for us. Dads that bond with their daughters and teach her through their actions that they respect women are more likely to have daughters who wait. But it’s more than that. If a girl has a dad who teaches her to make good decisions about all things (and talks through those decisions with her) then shows her that he trusts her decision making, she is much, much less likely to be sexually active early.
    And of course, girls who are not molested are less likely to be sexually active at an early age. The sheer numbers of girls who have been would probably shock you.

    I’ve taught for 25 years, first at the public school level and now at the university level. My husband and I also reared two boys and a girl. My kids waited. They were given age-appropriate information in an ongoing manner starting from when they first began to ask questions. We have watched as their peers as young as 10 and 11 have gotten pregnant. They have seen those lives fall apart. They also set strong goals for themselves (college, career, marriage, family) that helped them make good decisions (also an ongoing conversation).

    Don’t shield your kids from the outside world. Help them learn how to navigate it.

  • mark

    Look people I am gonna be straight with you. The last time I checked, when my daughter was young, the AVERAGE age at which a girl lost the big V was 11. If you as parents have not talked to them before then someone dang well needs to.

  • Giuliana

    Mike, I have taught sex Ed. Showing how to have sex or give head was not part of the curriculum. Get real. No one is “teaching” your child how to have sex, except maybe the kid down the street, the priest or pastor at your church, or perhaps the “family friend” you all trust. Or, even worse…. This statement is ludicrous

  • Giuliana

    Phesten,
    oh my! “filth?” “Morally offensive?” “Degrading?” are you serious?!
    It’s sex! it’s not any of the aforementioned things unless it’s non-consensual, or incest, et cetera.

    Your bed must be super exciting! These views on sex suggest to me that, for you, sex is associated with shame. Or that the sexual thoughts you have are deviant. It is sex we are talking about, is it not?

    It is pure biology that humans have these desires. From a biological viewpoint, we have one purpose on Earth–to reproduce.

    Phesten, to say that oral sex is “morally offensive” made me literally laugh. Just own it, parents, your little darlings are human. Or are they?

  • John

    Here is the thing, if parents are doing their job , talking to their kids about sex, drugs, drinking and other behaviors, then a 12, 13 year should already know about this type of thing. Talking with your children and having a open relationship with them will prevent them and you from being surprised with a harmless poster. It helps to be involved with the child’s school also, like going to parent teacher conferences,school activities (sports,plays). Then you are ware of whats going on on the school. Man up dad

  • Lorraine O'Dowd

    I respectfully disagree. Not all 13 year olds are wordly, and some, like my son, are still 12 while in 7th grade. He has been blissfully innocent about much of these ‘extra’ and ‘unnecessary’ sexual abutments until recently, when, much to my chagrin, I had to explain something to him. He has since then been much distressed and sees sex as repulsive. The same happened with my teenage daughter who is now a young adult. She, like him, wasn’t ready and now considers herself asexual. The whole idea of sex with this ‘too much information’ has harmed my children. Any ideas? And as for me, most of this type of curriculum is disgusting. I don’t do it. I never intend to. It is sexual deviancy in some cases, and goes against my beliefs. And my children, without ever knowing the reasons why, or the religious reasons, have their God given grace to recognize that some things are not quite right….. that some things go beyond decency…… and that some things are too embarrassing to discuss, contemplate, or ever involve themselves in. They have morals, as do I. And my morals always existed before they were ever spoken by anyone outside of me. They are God given.

  • Katherine O'Neal Duran

    You have got to be kidding. Man up? Let’s face it. Some things just AREN’T right, no matter what some people would like to extol as “natural.” That blissfully unaware, uninitiated, children “naturally” feel that some types of sex is repulsive should be an indicator for you…it is “unnatural.” Purposely excluding parents and denying them the option to expose their children to this teaching is wrong. This is a delicate matter that many parents are simply unable to broach, and a school function…away from the classroom where parents can decide whether or not to accompany the child…is appropriate. In any case, this poster lists images that are purely pornographic. Would you show this list to grandma? This isn’t appropriate language for polite adults of any age. Harmless? Maintaining a perception of authority is a trust parents grant to educators. For the school to abuse that trust and serve this list up as if all adults practice, speak or behave in this manner is tantamount to child abuse.

  • alexandria

    Respectfully, no one’s morals are developed without socialization. Yes, a religious community has a lot to do with how your values and morals are shaped but those morals aren’t present at birth. If they were, your job as a parent wouldn’t be as important. What you’re basically saying, probably without intent, is that you are better than others because no matter what socialization you had gotten (or your kids, for that matter), you would always be morally upright. But, you see, that’s disingenuous. The reason we have problems in society is because so many parents have abdicated their roles as teachers and shapers of their children’s values. Kids aren’t born bad; they are made that way by the choices they are given. You obviously take your role seriously and I’ll bet you have nice kids. The problem is that so many parents do not that schools have to give kids information to help them be safe. Our kids got that information from us before they were told at school. They still chose to wait. They weren’t traumatized because we were open about this subject from the time they were old enough to ask questions. They got age-appropriate information. Yes, middle school kids are doing things we all wish they weren’t. I wanted my kids to understand the import of the slang being used so they were able to know what to ignore and what to come home to discuss. They are adults now, two in medicine (trauma surgery and a pediatrician) and one is working professional musician. We had no pregnancies, no venereal diseases, and our kids understood that sex of any sort had consequences. Two are married and we have grandkids on the way. Education, marriage, family: we think we got it in the right order with our choices. For kids of parents who don’t think about their own choices, teachers have to be the ones who help them see what’s going on and how to protect themselves.

  • Clay

    Lots of kids “instinctively know” that kids of the other gender are “icky”, that babies’ diapers are “gross”, that seeing two hetero, married adults kiss (closed-mouth) is “REALLY gross” that worms are yucky, and that unicorns and Superman are real. Should we take all of this as gospel too?

  • burrrobson

    Unfortunately that’s a typical and trite liberal reply. We can’t trust the citizens to do what is right their lives so government must step in and run all aspects. And unfortunately for the libs, it is blarney. People are smart. People can raise their kids. We are giving the government the right to act like Putin. Shame on lemmings like you Marci. We are a nation that was formed by capable and independent and responsible people. We are not sheeple. And we do not need worthless bureaucrats deciding when and how our children learn about sex. As far as I can see, with the growing population, we are doing quite well with the sexual act.

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