KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- Is "Baywatch" watchable? "Pirates 5" stay afloat? "Lovers" lovable? FOX 4's Russ Simmons and Shawn Edwards have the answers in this week's Popcorn Bag movie reviews!
1) BAYWATCH (R)
It may seem early to start a “Worst Movies of the Year” list, but surely “Baywatch” will qualify. A raunchy parody of the old TV series, “Baywatch” struggles to mine a few meager laughs from gross-out jokes, but it drowns in its own off-color excesses.
"Baywatch" isn't great but it's not that bad. Did you see "CHiPs" earlier this year? That was a bad TV remake. However, "Baywatch" could have been better although it did provide a few cheap laughs and super sweet eye candy.
Dwayne Johnson and Zac Efron have charisma and the female cast members provide plenty of cheesecake, but they’re efforts can’t resuscitate this victim.
Cheesecake? What's that? The women were hot. The jokes, a hot mess. Come on. The TV show was terrible. It was just a cultural touchstone for its sexiness. This is just an excuse for a bunch of teens to pre-game.
RUSS: 1 Popcorn Bag
SHAWN: 3 Popcorn Bags
2) PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES (PG-13)
Walt Disney Pictures
And speaking of shipwrecks, Johnny Depp’s latest appearance as Capt. Jack Sparrow isn’t enough to save the bloated adventure, “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales,” the fifth entry in the popular series.
I saw this with real people so the groans are real. This franchise literally jumped the shark a few movies ago. Nothing cute about desperation no matter how gorgeous the sets and locations are.
The production values are stupendous and it has some dazzling action sequences, but the plot is so perplexing that it plays like they were making it up as they went along. An Easter Egg after the credits hints that there may be one more episode in the works.
Like Roberto Duran once said, "no mas." At this point these movies are worst than waiting in line for the theme park ride of the same name on the busiest and hottest day at Disney World.
RUSS: 2 Popcorn Bags
SHAWN: 2 Popcorn Bags
3) THE LOVERS (R)
Reclusive actress Debra Winger and Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright Tracy Letts star in “The Lovers,” a comic drama about an aging married couple who are both involved in extramarital affairs. Things get complicated when they start cheating on their lovers…with each other. It’s beautifully acted and more than just a little twisted.
RUSS: 3 Popcorn Bags
SHAWN: Did Not Screen
4) CHUCK (R)
Liev Schreiber’s affable performance is the driving force behind “Chuck,” the true story of ups and downs in the life of Chuck Wepner, the boxer who inspired the story of “Rocky” and gained fame by going 15 rounds with Muhammad Ali. The strong supporting cast includes Jim Gafigan, Elizabeth Moss and Naomi Watts. While it’s no knockout, “Chuck” is one likable palooka.
RUSS: 3 Popcorn Bags
ALSO OPENING THIS WEEK:
“The Survivalist” is a post-apocalyptic drama about a man protecting his small harvest from starving strangers. “Jeremiah Tower: The Last Magnificent” is a documentary about the famous and influential chef.
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