Screening Room: “The Five-Year Engagement” and “Pirates! Band of Misfits”

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Actor and writer Jason Segel and director Nicholas Stoller, the duo that brought you the hit comedy “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” reunite for “The Five-Year Engagement.” Sorry to say, the results don’t quite match up. 
Don't be sorry. We didn't write, direct or produce this horrible movie. First, Jason Segel is a likable dude but he's just not funny. not funny at all. Second and probably more important -- nothing ever happens in this movie that prevents them from getting married. The entire two-hour movie. Yes, I said two-hour movie is completely forced and completely flat. It's not romantic or funny. So technically can we still call "The Five-Year Engagement" a romantic comedy?
While this raunchy R-rated rom-com has many funny moments and a very likable cast, it’s saddled with a herky jerky, start-and-stop pace. Plus, it doesn’t know when to stop, lingering for at least a half an hour too long. At times, “The Five-Year Engagement” feels like it’s really going to last that long.
I'm gonna need you to cite the funny moments right now. This thing so closely resembles a real-life relationship it's scary. It was like I was watching "The five Year Engagement" and "The Break-Up" took over. There are times when the tone of this movie is flat-out mean. And fun. Well the fun is M.I.A. "Think Like a Man" "The Lucky one" and "The Vow" -- the recent crop of romantic flicks -- are all better. Way better.
2 Popcorn Bags
1 Popcorn Bag

Hugh Grant provides the voice of the Pirate Captain in “Pirates! Band of Misfits,” a stop-motion animated comedy from Aardman Studios, the folks who gave us Wallace & Gromit. 
These Wallace and Gromit dudes always provide a bit of fun. While not Pixar slick. These animators are really good at telling charming and entertaining stories. "In The Pirates! Band of Misfits" the Captain has one dream: to beat his bitter rivals and win the much coveted Pirate of The Year Award.
Visually, it’s stunning and the kid-friendly flick provides some cheeky laughs. But while mildly fun, it lacks the screenwriting sophistication that distinguishes the Pixar films. “Pirates!” never quite hits full sail.
The story is cute and the gags are funny. I just loved its old-school charm. I be lovin' me some stop-motion. And chances are you'll also love this movie. This is a load up the mini-van or SUV classic for sure.
3 Popcorn Bags
3 Popcorn Bags

Oscar-winner Rachel Weisz stars in the austere drama, “The Deep Blue Sea,” based on the acclaimed 1952 play by Terence Rattigan. Weisz plays the wife of a wealthy British judge who has a torrid affair with an RAF pilot, only to attempt suicide when her lover’s passions begin to fade. To call the pace ‘deliberate’ would be an understatement. The direction by Terence Davies might be a bit too showy and the use of Samuel Barber’s music seems, at times, overbearing. But Weisz gives a strong performance and, for patient viewers, the movie may slowly pull you into its emotional grip.

RUSS: 3 Popcorn Bags

Also opening this week:

-Jason Statham plays a washed-up mixed martial arts fighter who takes on the Russian mob in the action flick “Safe.”

-John Cusack plays Edgar Allen Poe in “The Raven,” a fictional flick that depicts the famed author tracking a serial killer. The studios chose to protect these titles from the critics.

- And finally, we’re offered an Italian comedy called, “The Salt of Life.”

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