KANSAS CITY, Mo. — It appears thousands of people in the metro are suffering from a contagious condition, and it all stems from the Kansas City Chiefs.
Well, perhaps suffering isn’t the right word. “Relishing” in a contagious disease might be a better description.
Saint Luke’s Hospital is warning metro residents to be on alert for symptoms of “Chiefs Fever,” which the hospital says occurs “when the Kansas City Chiefs utterly dominate in the AFC West.”
The hospital says condition is typically inherited, but it can also appear with no previous history. So it doesn’t matter if your parents or family suffer from Chiefs Fever. Anyone can be susceptible to the condition, and there’s no way to prevent it.
Saint Luke’s says those with the contagious condition will likely experience these symptoms, “seemingly at random”:
- “Sudden reddening/yellowing of the face and chest. Other areas of the body have been reported as well.
- Inexplicable urge to stand in a parking lot during a cold day.
- Sudden increase of unique proteins — “Mahomes ketones” — present in the blood.
- Acute craving for a wide variety of smoked meats.
- Involuntary substitution of the word “CHIEFS” for “brave” while singing the National Anthem.
- Marked increase in ability to concentrate in loud, chaotic environments.”
Chiefs Fever gets worse as the Chiefs keep racking up wins, especially when those wins lead to the playoffs.
Other causes? The hospital says symptoms can occur when you think you’ve sighted Len Dawson at the grocery store — or even just see the colors red and yellow — and when you hear someone praising the Broncos, Raiders or Patriots.
Thankfully, this condition won’t result in a massive hospital bill. You don’t even have to visit your doctor to be diagnosed, Saint Luke’s said. You can self-diagnose or ask another person with Chiefs Fever to diagnose you.
“A positive diagnosis is often met with a sense of inner peace and immediate acceptance,” Saint Luke’s said.
More good news: There’s no cure, according to the hospital, “mainly because there is not currently an effort to discover one.”