The power of politics is a curious thing. Make a one man weep and another man sing. The way this presidential race is shaping up, it can also make you pull your hair out. One candidate says one thing, the opposition slants it, the other clarifies, the other then insults, the other then attacks, the other then goes on the defense. On and on and on. If only they would stick to debating the issues and talk about the things we actually care about instead of deconstructing every word that comes out their opponents mouths and then slant it to their advantage.
Mitt, Obama, Joe Biden, Paul Ryan. They’ve all been in the hot seat this election season because of something they’ve said. You realize these candidates give dozens of speeches every single day. They try to find new ways of saying the same thing and sometimes they flub. If anyone can relate that, I can. Talking on live television gives you the opportunity to say things the wrong way, and I have done that an occasion or two. Maybe I didn’t sleep well the night before and my brain is tired. Maybe someone wrote the wrong words on the teleprompter and I didn’t catch it in time. I had one viewer implore me to go back to remedial English class when I accidentally said “Her and her mother…” instead of “She and her mother…” Yes, I knew the second I said it that it was wrong, but what do you do? You can’t go back on live television. When I suggested I go to his place of employment, look over his shoulder and begin throwing insults the minute he made a mistake, he quit writing me.
I know my buddies, Huey and Lewis, will realize how absurd they get when they talk politics after they read what they said last night. I secretly tape recorded their inane conversation to prove just how crazy they become when discussing politics.
“How about that Mitt Romney, putting his foot in his mouth,” said Huey, my liberal leaning college buddy.
“What do you mean,” said Lewis, my conservative childhood friend.
“You know, saying he didn’t care about 47% of the voters out there.”
“You mean the Democrats who wouldn’t vote for him even if he was running against a poodle? That 47%? Why should he care about them when he’s trying to win votes?”
“Because it means when he’s president, he won’t care about them! He’ll raise their taxes and get rid of all those government programs that help people like seniors and veterans and low-income families trying to make ends meet.”
“You really think the Republicans want all the seniors to lose their homes and medication and die on a street corner somewhere?”
“Why not? Mitt’s a millionaire.”
“So’s Obama! In fact, I think he just became President to make millions! He doesn’t care about our generation. If he did, he’d stop spending us into a huge hole and instead cut our taxes so we can get back our hard earned money.”
“Don’t you get it? If he cuts our taxes, our debt will get even deeper! The government pays for that!”
“The government doesn’t pay for a tax break, Huey. It just means they get less money from us. If the government taxed me less, I would have more money to spend, businesses would increase demand, hire more people and our economy would recover.”
“That’s not true. Those business owners wouldn’t hire more people. They would just keep the money in their bank accounts and stay rich while the rest of us struggle to put food on the table.”
“So what, you think Obama should just keep taking my hard earned cash and give it to the poor who don’t work?”
“You mean the poor who can’t work because there are no jobs? The ones who would work if businesses were hiring?”
“When do businesses hire, Huey? When there’s demand! When is there demand? When I have money to buy their stuff! Geez, you’re frustrating! You do understand we are $16 trillion in debt right now?”
“That’s not Obama’s fault! Bush ruined the economy and Obama saved us from another Depression! He had to spend money to get us back on track.”
“Yeah, nine percent unemployment is back on track. No, Obama gave money to the banks and the car companies and what did they do? They wasted it! No accountability. He should of just let those failed banks and car companies die. Survival of the fittest, man.”
“Do you know what a Depression is, Lewis? Look, I just don’t think Mitt will do any good. He’ll just give tax breaks just to the rich and let the rest of us suffer. Plus, he’s Mormon. I don’t trust those cults.”
“Seriously, Huey? Mormonism is not a cult. It’s just like Christianity only they think Jesus took a boat across the ocean and baptized the Native Americans. And they don’t marry dozens of wives like the guy on the HBO show “Big Love”. His faith shouldn’t matter. What matters is that Mitt will turn this economy around because he is a businessman and understands how to turn a profit. He did it before, and he’ll do it again with our government. He’ll get us out of this fiscal mess.”
“Whatever. I think Obama is the man. He’s been there the last four years and if it weren’t for those Tea Party Republicans stalling his efforts with Congress, his plan to put money into government jobs and building infrastructure would’ve worked and we’d be in much better financial shape.”
“You know what I don’t understand, Huey? Why would anyone WANT to be President?”
“Hey, finally something we can agree on!”
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