3rd Grader: Can you make $8,000 in TV news?

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Kids. They say the darnedest things. A recent visit to Boone Elementary in Kansas City, Mo., has given me enough material for a comedy routine. If only I were Amy Pohler or Kristen Wiig. But I’m just a journalist whose job recently was to educate young, spongy minds about the everyday happenings of television news.

The students, itching for summer, were squirrelly. And fabulously funny. Some of the more memorable questions they asked are worth sharing.

Question: Have you found baby Lisa yet? (Asked multiple times by different classrooms.)
Answer: Well, no. But that’s the job of the police department and they’re still investigating.

Question: Is your job a job where you can make more than $8,000?
Answer: Yes. But not much more than that.

Question: Are you on TV?
Answer: Sometimes. When they need a comedian.

Question: Do you know Kathy and Loren?
Answer: Who?

Question: Can I hold your microphone?
Answer: Only if you can pretend to be a reporter.

Statement: I like your mug shots.
Reply: Me too.

Like I said, the kids were great. What I enjoyed most was telling them about how journalists continue to learn fascinating things — like how flesh-eating bacteria works — and, although completely unrelated, how the American Bullfrog can live in its polywog stage for up to four years. The kids seemed to like hearing about that. I only wish I had a frog for show-and-tell rather than a tripod, truck and microphone.

I had a lot of fun, and I’m grateful to have been asked by Jenny Morris from Boone Elementary to come. Other professions participating in Boone elementary’s “Worker on Wheels Day” were the Kansas City Fire Department, Kansas City Bomb Squad, Metro Bus and the ice cream truck. My only regret is that I didn’t get a Popsicle because after two hours of talking, I’m hoarse!

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