The X Factor: Once a Pussycat Doll, Always an Idiot

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LOS ANGELES — Nicole Scherzinger must be waking up today realizing she’s one of the most hated women in America. That has to be a tough pill to swallow. In fact, she’s so despised right now that she’s one of the hottest trending topics on Twitter. Let’s take a look at some of the Tweets directed at the ‘X Factor’ judge:!/jonathan_bender/status/145028845358166016!/grantcardone/status/145026186781786112!/bricesander/status/144960986078650368

What’s with all this hate toward Nicole? And what lead me to tweet the following:!/JoshToTheUA/status/144961722522939392

Let’s take a look back at Thursday night’s elimination episode to see what exactly went wrong for Nicole.

The night started out with a performance by Lenny Kravitz. When was the last time Lenny had a hit song? Was it “American Woman?” I don’t really know. I guess Lenny has a new album coming out, so he was on the show to promote that. However, I really wasn’t feeling the first song he sang. I was too caught up in wondering why he continues to wear the same outfit day after day. Black leather pants, a black v-neck and a black women’s cardigan. It’s like a Stevie Nicks outfit. If Stevie Nicks were Lenny Kravitz. Lenny also sang part of “Are You Gonna Go My Way,” just to keep people interested. After he sang, Steve Jones made an extremely awkward comment about how good Lenny looks in leather. Then he said “Handsome man, handsome man.” Steve needs a little host training. Perhaps Cat Deeley is available for the next season of ‘The X Factor.’ I love Cat Deeley. She’d make an awesome host for the show.

Then it was time for a recap of the top five’s performances from the previous night. We also had to watch a package showing what happens behind the scenes at ‘The X Factor.’ In case you missed that part because you were making a grilled cheese or cutting your toenails during the amazing segment, here are the highlights:

1) Ken Paves does hair for the show. Who is Ken Paves? You might ask. Well, dear readers, Ken Paves is Jessica Simpson’s former BFF. He’s responsible for her hair extensions, as well as those of Eva Longoria and possibly Christina Applegate and Christina Milian. I’m not really sure. But he’s a big deal in the world of hair. So it’s kind of a big deal for him to do hair on the show.

2) June Ambrose is doing wardrobe! Who is June Ambrose? You might be asking yet again. I don’t really know much about her, other than the fact that she’s like the Laurieann Gibson of the wardrobe world. That means she’s a penny shy of a ticket on the crazy train. Which also means she’s fantastic.

3) Some other guy with really blue eyes does makeup for the show.

There’s what you missed from the behind the scenes package. You’re welcome for the extensive recap.

After that started the results. The first two names called safe were Josh Krajcik and Chris Rene. Ugh. This was not looking good for my girls, Melanie Amaro and Rachel Crow. Josh was bad on performance night. Who’s voting for him? People who think he will come and deliver them Chipotle? Because if that’s why you are voting for him, guess what? He’s not going to show up at your house with a cart and make you a burrito. Please start voting for Melanie immediately. Josh and Chris were the only two called safe. The other three would have to wait until after Mary J. Blige sang to find out their fates.

Speaking of Mary J. Blige…after a commercial break, it was time for her to take the stage. She sang some new song from her latest album. It was okay. It was a way stripped down version of MJB: just her and a guitar. I prefer the days of MJB when she sang songs like “Family Affair” and “Be Without You,” but I guess it’s good for her to expand as an artist. At least her wig was pretty fancy. Points for that.

Then it was time to find out who the bottom two would be. Who was the third act called safe? Melanie. Which meant Marcus and Rachel were the bottom two. This also meant Marcus was a shoe in to go home, right? It was his third straight week in the bottom two, so it only seemed fair.

Marcus was first to sing his survival song. He sang Mary J. Blige’s “I’m Goin’ Down.” It was okay, I suppose. Jazzlyn Little still sang it better in her initial audition way back in the day. Also, Marcus, it’s probably not a good idea to sing a MJB song when she’s in the building. Especially if you’re not going to be able to do it as well as she does. I’m guessing Mary’s wig came off and she was ready to have a little chat with Marcus when he left the stage.

Rachel was second to sing. She rehashed Etta James’ “I’d Rather Go Blind,” which she first sang during movie week. But this time around, Rachel done blew the roof off the joint. Mary probably put her wig back on backwards because she was so blown away by what Rachel did. It. Was. Amazing. Rachel put so much emotion into the song. I couldn’t stop tears from coming out of my eyes. I didn’t even know I started crying. I was just watching and listening and along for Rachel’s amazing ride. After Rachel sang, it was pretty clear to me that Marcus needed to hit the road.

But the judges still had to make their decisions. Obviously, LA Reid and Simon Cowell stood behind their acts, which gave a vote for Rachel and Marcus automatically. Then it was Paula’s turn. She said she had to keep the person who sang their survival song the best. Therefore, she voted to eliminate Marcus. Good job, Paula! You get a cookie! Then it was time for Nicole. She was already crying and acting a fool. She started blathering on about how she didn’t want to have to eliminate either Marcus or Rachel and wanted to send it to a deadlock. I started to scream at the TV: “Eliminate Marcus, Nicole! He’s been in the bottom too many times! GET RID OF HIM!” But…she did not. So a deadlock ensued.

What happened next is all a blur to me. I know I ended up throwing a notebook at the television and angrily tweeting at Nicole. Why? Because in the deadlock, it came to light that Rachel got the lowest number of votes from America. So…what could have saved this situation from happening? First, we shouldn’t let America vote on something as important as ‘The X Factor.’ Obviously, we’re a democratic country, but how many times has America dropped the ball when it comes to voting on anything?  Please remember the week when Sabrina Bryan was eliminated from ‘Dancing with the Stars.’  Not a good moment in history, voters.  Second, Nicole probably shouldn’t be getting paid to “judge” a talent competition when she’s going to wuss out and not be a judge!

As soon as Rachel found out she was eliminated, she dropped to the ground and burst into tears. Then Simon and Rachel’s Mom rushed the stage to comfort her. Nicole also came up on stage. Steve asked if she had anything to say. As soon as he started talking to Nicole, the audience booed her. I booed her. And threw more things at the television. It was hard to watch. In fact, it was downright uncomfortable having to watch Rachel cry and Nicole try to make sense of what she had just caused.

Therefore, this could quite possibly the final ‘X Factor’ blog I write. The show made my blood boil too much this week. The only reason left to watch would be to see Melanie win, but even that’s not a given anymore. Why don’t we just bring back Astro and let him have another shot? Then Nicole can sing his praises again and eliminate real talent like Rachel and Melanie. I’m going to have to seriously think about whether to watch the final weeks of the show. After this week’s elimination, I just don’t care anymore. Maybe we can eliminate Nicole instead? Bring in a new judge. I bet Jessica Simpson is available. Plus, she’s be good and would say amazingly ridiculous things. Or how about Charo? She’d be a good judge, too, and would shake some maracas and yell, “CUCHI, CUCHI!.” Really, anyone would be better than Nicole Scherzinger.

You have to feel sorry for Nicole. Maybe. She is responsible for crushing the dreams of two 14-year-old girls in two consecutive weeks. I wonder what it’s like to wake up one of the most despised women in America. Maybe I’ll Tweet Nicole and find out. Better yet, I’ll just Tweet her again and let her know how disgusted I am with her. I’m dunzo being a fan of Nicole for a while…and might even be dunzo with ‘The X Factor’ as a whole. We’ll see what next week brings. I make no promises.

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