The X Factor: You Are The Ultimate Rainbow

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LOS ANGELES — At the beginning of ‘The X Factor,’ there were four. By the end of the hour, there would only be three contestants left. Who would go home? Would it be another shocker? Eh. We’d have to wait for nearly 60 minutes to find out.

But before anything could happen, the final four had to perform once more as a group. They performed one of the weirdest mash-ups of songs in the history of the world: a mix of Blackstreet’s “No Diggity” and Tears for Fears’ “Shout.” I don’t know who was trippin’ when they came up with that mash-up, but it was bizarre. Why not just mix “How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria” from The Sound Of Music with Lil’ Kim’s “How Many Licks” to make a mash-up of similar standards. I think I’m onto something there. Anyway, with the mash-up choices, Josh Krajcik seemed a little out of place, Chris Rene definitely rocked it out, Melanie Amaro proved she will be able to sing the hook on any of next year’s hottest rap songs, and Marcus Canty was just kind of there. I don’t really even remember him singing.

Then there was a recap from the performance night. There were clips of family and friends of all the contestants watching the show. In really bad quality. It was like the show used AOL dial-up to connect the family watch parties to the control booth in Los Angeles. I guess you have to cut costs where you can.

After all that business, Florence + The Machine took the stage. I’ve always been confused by Florence. Is The Machine a group? Her backing dancers? Or is she herself Florence + The Machine all combined into one, much like Marina and the Diamonds is only one person? I’m so confused! I guess I could Wikipedia all this, but I’m not really in the mood to do that. So, Florence + The Machine performed “Spectrum” from the new album, Ceremonials. The song was no “The Dog Days Are Over” by any means, but I think I kind of liked it. Or I did really like it? I’m still not sure. If there’s one thing Florence + The Machine do well, it’s put on a show. The visuals and stage presence were pretty amazing. And Florence sure has a lot of vibrato when she sings.

While I contemplated if I liked Florence + The Machine, ‘The X Factor’ ran some segment about how all the acts stack up against each other. The judges each said something or other about each act. It all pretty much went in one ear and out the other for me. Especially since all I could think was, “MELANIE WILL WIN.”

Speaking of “MELANIE WILL WIN,” it was time for the first results! The first act sent through to the finals was Chris Rene. Understandable. He has a great story and is pretty cool to watch on stage. So I can cope with that. The second act to go through? Melanie Amaro. Ah! The Christmas season is not ruined after all! And Paula Abdul’s odd premonition of it being another shocking week did not come true! She should stick to her day job. Fortune telling is not for her.

While Josh and Marcus sweated it out to find out who would be the last act in the finals, judge Nicole Scherzinger took the stage to perform the latest single from her yet-to-be-released-in-the-United-States album, Killer Love, “Pretty.” Before Nicole started to sing, I pondered if it was sad that I imported her album from the United Kingdom many, many months ago. Perhaps it’s sad, but I kind of love Killer Love, so I won’t over think it too much. The good thing about the album is that it does NOT include “Pretty” on it. The song was kind of awful. Nicole screamed a little bit while she performed it, and I found it hard to understand anything she was singing. The song was a ballad/slow jam, which is the problem with Nicole. She needs to stick to up-tempo and dance songs. Ballads and slow jams just don’t do it for me when it comes to Nicole Scherzinger. So, Nicole sang and Simon Cowell sat in her chair as judged her as she judges contestants. He told her that she “transcends the universe” and was “the ultimate rainbow.” And that’s why we love Simon.

After a brief commercial break, Nicole appeared back on stage with her third outfit of the night. What is this? The Miss Universe pageant? Because I don’t see Mario Lopez or Donald Trump hanging around anywhere. What’s with the wardrobe changes, Nicole? LA Reid was on stage with Marcus, and Josh was standing next to Nicole. Then there was some dramatic music and it was announced Josh would join Chris and Melanie in the finals. Are we shocked? Not so much. Adios, Marcus! It was a nice journey with you, but now let’s move ahead to the finals and vote for Melanie.

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